Ghostly Willow
by Silver Miko
Summary: Spoilers for most the series.....Shounen Ai.......Review please


  
  
Ghostly Willow  
By Silver Miko  
  
  
  
I watch the willows sway in the breeze, relenting, yielding to the force of the wind. It was then that I realized that I was like the willows. Relenting, yielding, restrained. It had all begun with my sister's death. I had decided to take on her identity, merging her with myself, making myself look like her, but behave like me, except lady-like.  
I had left home at a young age to live with my aunt and uncle. They accepted me. Everyone in town though I was a girl, never knowing. I had grown up there and when I turned sixteen, it was then that one girl from the town was chosen for the Emperor's harem. Everyone had said I should try to make it there, but my competition was very beautiful.  
Unfortunately, my uncle's wife, my aunt, was a snow demon who had given up eating people for him, but she became pregnant and had plagued the town by eating people. My uncle kept it secret as the town offered up people to her through voting.  
My rival, she and I were cheated out of so many things. I managed to take care of the snow demon and made my way to the harem. Hoping..hoping I would be the next empress. I had fallen for the Emperor quickly. He was so strong and kind and beautiful. I got very jealous over him. The rest of the harem didn't accept me easily. I was the one who was put up with, the one who talked too much, the one who was snapped at.   
Instead of breaking down, like I wanted to so much, I stood proud and strong, hiding my willow-like fragility inside of myself. I soon was the most respected member of the harem. Korin-sama. My chances were very good, well, I would eventually have to tell the Emperor my secret however.   
Then she showed up. Suzaku no Miko. Instantly the Emperor fell for her and I was completely forgotten by him and much of the harem. I was truly the ghostly willow once more. I was so angry, angry that she could make him fall in love with her so easily. Angry that she was there, and that she was really a girl.  
I am not. I am a man dressed up as a woman. When Korin died, I took on her appearance so she wouldn't really die. No one knew this at all. I was so angry with Miaka. Angry that I couldn't hate her and put her in a corner. She made me look like the villain. When I tried making the Emperor jealous by overzealously pursuing Tamahome, nothing happened. Miaka just got upset and the Emperor proposed to her.  
I knew Hotohori-sama longer! I was so loyal and patient. Why? Why would this girl from another world be able to catch him so easily? She's so clumsy and foolish. Yet I am to protect this girl. I am the Suzaku Shichiseishi Nuriko. Which is what Hotohori-sama sees me as. Nuriko, another protector of Suzaku no Miko and nothing else.  
After two years of suffering all the emotional hell of making it and being in the harem, I am only Nuriko to him. Not Korin the loyal concubine. Not Korin potential bride. Just Nuriko. Miaka, why can't I hate you?  
  
  
I sit at my throne and listen to my attendants go on about political matters, yet all I can think of is Suzaku no Miko. Miaka. I've waited so long for her. For the day Miko-sama would appear and rid me of my loneliness. She is now here in the form of a naïve, but warm hearted, fifteen-year-old girl. She is beautiful, though not as much as myself or that harem member Korin.  
  
He sits at his throne probably thinking of her.. he's always thinking of her. His Suzaku no Miko. So much... there's so much I want to say. So much I can't put into simple words that it makes me want to smash everything in sight. Can't he see I'm here for him? Waiting by his side?   
  
  
  
  
Nuriko. Korin is Nuriko. I must remember that. She is a member of the Suzaku Shichiseishi, not some ordinary woman. Her strength is amazing though. She was able to lift those entire heavy pillars single handily to save Miaka and Tamahome.  
  
  
I have such strength...yet I can't say what I really want to. I'm held back by pretenses and duties. I can't even grasp onto my inner self any more. It's all Miaka's fault. She's caused my world to become chaotic disarray.   
  
  
I proposed to Miaka. She was unsure. I wasn't very surprised because something obviously was there between her and Tamahome. It wasn't defined, and very new, but it was there. I pretend it's not though. I deny it so I feel I have a good chance.  
Yet something haunts me about Nuriko. She or rather he as we recently found out reminds of a flower, a willow. Stands up strong and thin, but yields and relents to the wind. He yields and relents to me, quicker than most of my subjects. It was with these thoughts I sleep.  
  
  
There's a forest... a small lake. Someone is standing there. A shadowy figure. "What is it you're looking for Heika-sama?"  
"Where's Nuriko?" I ask worried.  
"There.." the figure says pointing to the lake. "Go if you wish."   
  
And I jump in and there is Nuriko floating, standing, eyes closed. His violet hair is up in a bun with some pieces trailing down.   
I swim to him and stop in front of him.  
"Nuriko.."  
"Hotohori-sama.." he whispers in that feminine voice. "I've been waiting so long.. I've served my fate.. I love you, Hotohori-sama." Nuriko murmured.  
I place my hands on his cheeks.  
"I love you too." And I kiss him. As we break it off, Nuriko suddenly coughs up blood and scratches and cuts appear on his face and he smiles sadly.  
"Sayonara, my love. Don't forget me." And he fades away.  
  
I wake up. What was that dream all about? I don't love Nuriko, I love Miaka, don't I? I've waited years for the day Suzaku no Miko would appear.. is that it? Is it the title I love and not the person? Could I be in love with Miaka simply due to the fact she's Suzaku no Miko? I don't know. I can't be in love with Nuriko, he's a man. A man who dresses up like a woman, but none-the-less a man. Yet, I can't shake how real the dream felt.  
  
  
My eyes are closed as I feel the last of my life leave my body. I defeated Ashitare, moved the rock at the mountain for the others, so Miaka can have the Shinzaho and summon Suzaku. Tamahome is holding me, but it is Hotohori I think of. His warm smile, his eyes, his words, his voice..it was then that I decided to guard over them all. To watch over them from the afterlife. Even if it means being a ghost, for Hotohori..and the others, it's a small price to pay. And then, I took my last breath..  
  
  
  
I remember the minute I felt it, like a pain in my chest. My heart felt so empty and I knew. Something had happened. Someone was dying or dead. It was a moment later I could sense it and I stood frozen, shocked. Nuriko.  
It was Nuriko. He was dead. His energy was gone and I could no longer sense his presence anywhere. I reached for a seat, any seat. How? How did he die? He was so strong and cautious. Always prepared for danger. How could he have been killed? I can't even say goodbye properly. I'm too far away. Nuriko!  
The tears go down my face unnoticed by myself until my advisor rushes to me asking what happened.  
"Nuriko has just died. Make preparations to show mourning immediately." I manage to say.  
"Yes, Heika-sama, and I'm very sorry. Nuriko was a delight to the court."  
"Thank you."  
  
I spent the next week walking around feeling numb when I passed the harem quarters and saw a flash of violet hair. I stopped.  
"Nuriko.."  
  
The woman turned to me and I see blue eyes, not violet-hazel.  
"I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else." I apologize.  
"It's alright, Heika-sama. You mistook me for Korin-sama, Nuriko. I heard about her. The harem is very upset over her death. How are you doing?"  
"As best as I can."  
"I'm sorry, my name is Houki."  
"Houki. Thank you."  
  
Nuriko, there will never be another one like you, but maybe it won't hurt so much, if I think of you through Houki. Even if it means using the poor girl..I can't say farewell yet Nuriko. Until the day I die, please wait for me so I can say it right.  
  
  
  
I watch as Hotohori takes his last breath and close my eyes in pain. Pain for him. He will never see his child or hold him. How cruel. That bastard Nakago. I hope he gets it in the end. It's then that I feel a presence behind me.   
As I turn everything becomes blue, like we're underwater.  
"Hotohori-sama..." I murmur.  
"Nuriko, I never got to say goodbye. Forgive me." He says, moving towards me.  
"It's alright. I watched over you all this time. I knew how you felt. I've waited for you. Now that you've said it right, what now?"  
"Nuriko.." he says with that smile.  
I feel tears, well ghost tears, as I embrace him.   
"Hotohori-sama.."  
"You've served fate well, Nuriko, as have I. All that's left to say is this: I love you."  
I lift my head up to look at him.   
"Hotohori, I love you too."  
And we kiss...two stars who shine once more in the sky until the day when we go from this world into the other world. Reborn to once again return this mysterious play.  
  
  
Mistumetai.. anata no inochi wa hateI look over you.. your life ends  
Itamu kanjiru anata no tameI feel pain for you  
Dakedo sore wa anata kanjiru iru gaBut I feel you here  
Omae wa iru koto..yatto..yattoYou are here.. at last..at last  
  
Gomen nasai subete no tame niI'm sorry for everything  
Mitsume no nai wakurenai masu I didn't see didn't understand  
Omae wa utsukushiku no hanaYou are a beautiful flower  
Omae ga matteru boku no tameYou are waiting for me  
  
Ima boku wa koto iru no yattoNow I am here at last  
Anata no egao wa atsui no 'nihao ma'Your smile is a warm hello  
Daijobu ka mitsueme anata toki ni It's alright I've watched you at times  
Wakure anata kanjiru watashi matteruI know your feelings I'm waiting  
Dakara imi o nani ga aru no?So now what will there be?  
  
Boku-tachi no unmei wa hate deOur fate has ended  
Subete nokoro no sa wa 'wo ai ni'All that remains is I love you  
Ni hoshi kagayaite no soraTwo stars shining in the sky  
Imasugu boku-tachi wa umareru ano sekai Soon we will be born to that world  
Futatabi umare Fushigi Yuugi kaeri Once more born to return to the mysterious play  
  
  
~FIN~  
  
Okay..to explain. I had a dream that Hotohori was in a forest and someone told him Nuriko was in the lake, in which he jumps in.. and basically that dream he had was mine. Except I was watching both of them. Weird huh? Actually, it was an interlude dream. The main dream was of Ayashi no Ceres, it which Aya was running away from a psychotic Aki trying to kill her and Tooya and Yuuhi are trying to find her.  
I'm there at Aya's house telling her mother Aya must see her true self reflected in my mirror so she can unleash Ceres and combat Aki/Psycho Fisherman Bastard. It ended at a mall with a giant Millia Fallyna Jenius from Macross: Do You Remember Love? and Bruce Willis outside and Aya in the food court.  
I have weird dreams..  
  
The song at the end is actually one I wrote based on Nuriko and Hotohori's last conversation in this. I think I'll call it 'Willow and Star'   
10 points for those who gets it...   
^_^ new haircut good..less time on hair styling.. more time for fun  
  
  
Coming soon to FF.Net: As Taitsukun is the control of the Universe of the Four Gods, so am I the controller of this world.....the mysteries of the book is what you seek? Then hear my tale.......  
Ayashi's Tale  
EMAIL ME!  
  
silvermoon510@hotmail.com  



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